It was jst a matter of time. I thought i could last at least until i finished my degree cuz there seriously didnt seem like there were any potentials at either work or uni. I dont even kno where or how these feeling came about. Thats wat its like with me every time...jst a sudden eruption of feelings. I think they were sorta stirring from last wk cuz i remember lookin around to see if he was there but it neva reali registered until this weekend. I had to work on Fri 12th and i think the feelings were being added to from this day. Like i was searching around to see if he was working and when he came into the fitting room and goes "heeey jess!" i think in my deep subconscience i was like happy to see him. But i duno, we were talkin and stuff and i jst kept looking at him prob trying to figure out if my feelings were real. Well it didnt really click properly until Sat 13th when i had work again.
It was strange cuz as soon as i got to work one of the managers sends me ova to the guys department (where he works) and i was heading to the fitting room and i see him in there. Once again, a little subconscience of happiness (if that makes sense). So anyway, as soon as i went in he puts his arms around my shoulders, rubbing them and saying sumfing along the lines of "i'll take care of you" in reference to in case i needed any help with knowledge of their department. So that was probably another little thing that added to the pile of feelings. Then we were in the fitting room alone for a while and we started having like these mini D&Ms, which i hav had wit him before, but this time i started talking about Creep and how i found him creepy cuz he jst stares and doesnt say anything. He was jst teasing me around for a bit saying how hed get Creep to come in to the fitting room or sumfing and then adds in sumfing like "you think he likes u?" and i was like "nuh hes jst creepy the way he stares and doesnt talk" and for some odd reason he throws in a comment saying "but you dont need to worry rite cuz ur taken" and i sorta jst laughed at it and then he reiterates himself again asking "you are taken rite?" and so i was like "no, what made u think that?" and i duno if it was jst me but he seemed like he couldnt come up wit a reason whilst seeming a bit embarrassed as he was saying "i duno, i jst thought u were taken". So once again, that added to my stack of feelings.
Also i was for some reason telling him how my last bf was like 2 yrs ago or sumfing and how i jst hav bad luck wit guys and he kept wanting to kno wat happened and stuff even tho every time i jst made generic comments. OH and i was telling him how im only attracted to asians and then hes fully like "wat like jst chinese?" and then i was rambling on about how its not jst chinese but even like tim (who was spanish-filo and worked in his dept as well). But yeh jst the whole day was bombarded with him. There were so many other moments we had in the fitting room. Like i was complaining to him how there was a rude customer and he was tryna tell me to be calm cuz thats how he handles it or sumfing but i was like its not healthy to keep it all in. There was a point afta that when we were jst playing around and i jst pushed him out the door saying "get out before u piss me off" and we were both jst laughing. That wouldve added to my feelings too i reckon. Just being able to laugh, have fun yet hav D&Ms with him u kno. *ARGH*
But its freaky u kno cuz i was talking to helen a while ago and she was saying how her gut feelings were telling her that i was gona get a guy soon. This obviously requires me to like a guy and here i am liking a guy that i didnt even kno i could like. Not only that but helen was askin me if i knew his last name and i was telling her how freaky it was cuz i fink at the beginning of the yr he was askin me wat my last name was so i took that opportunity to ask what his last name was as well cuz at that time for some bizarre reason i thought i would wana kno in the future. And now......OMG i really did wana kno!!! FREAKY! But yeh i had a D&M with helen too talking about the fact that im still scared of liking guys cuz of all the bad luck ive had with all my previous crushes. You kno, the song "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson describes how i feel sooooo bad its scary! So wen she says because of you to me you refers to all the guys i hav liked in the past. But yeh its mainly the chorus that describes me well atm.
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you And you know wat else? "Superman" by Shawn Desman describes how i wish he would feel about me in response to my insecurities. Wouldnt that just be the most romantic story you've ever heard???
Girl I feel you trembling in my arms
Tell me what is wrong
I know somebody hurt you, didn't stay
And took your faith away
Broke your heart, let you down
The love you thought you found
But that was then, and this is now
I gotta make you believe somehow
[chorus]
Girl, don't be afraid to put your trust
In someone who
Who will love you, love you completely
Take the time, do it right
Make you forget those tears you cried
It'll be alright
Have no fear, your superman is here
Don't let life slip by you
Give me a chance, come and take my hand
Let my love surround you, throw away
The pain of yesterday
Girl you've gotta try to put the past behind
Cause now i'm in your life
It's destiny, girl can't you see
God sent you here to me
[chorus]
You don't have to be alone no more my baby
Just try to forget about the things that made you crazy
I'll be right there when you fall
Anytime at all
[chorus] .::.PeAcE.::. |
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There were so many other moments we had in the fitting room
No comment..... =P