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Sunday, October 02, 2005 |
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| It's SOOO hard! |
I REALLY HATE THIS!!! Where should i even begin? I was called yesterday to work today but i was meant to work at stationary. But my manager called me bak down to work at miss shop. I was kinda excited cuz it meant i cud perve on him! haha...so neway, it took me a while to spot him but wen i did of course i went all crazy inside. Nfn much really happened but then wen i was walking, he was walking directly towards me. Man u do not understand how hard i tried to smile at him. It's so fucked but as soon as i see the way he looks at me, i totally lose myself in his eyes and forget wat i wanted to do in the first place. So i didnt end up smiling at him, but ended up jst lookin at each other again. I'm hopeless (in canto - mo duck gauw).
Then my manager asked me to stay til 6pm. I was kinda hoping that he was working til then as well and even catch the same train as me. When it was around 5:35pm, i looked over and saw him still there so i was thinkin, he had to be working til the same time as me cuz we closed at 6pm tonight. Also, i was kinda happy but scared at the same time cuz i knew that even if he did get the same train as me, i wouldnt really do anything. I was sitting in the fitting room full praying to God to give me the courage.
When i finally finished work, i went to town hall rite. When the train came, i got up and stood near the doors as they were opening and from the corner of my eye, i thought i saw him but i didnt look over to check. I went to the bottom part of the carriage, sat in one of the 3-seaters and kinda wished that he would jst sit next to me. Yes im sad! But the thing is, if he did, i probably would hav talked to him. When we finally arrived at kogarah, i wanted to see if he was getting off. As if on queue, i saw him waiting for the doors to open and i swear at that exact point in moment, i was listening to "i believe in you" by Joe feat. Nsync and i seriously jst had tears rolling down my face cuz i realised i had wasted another chance. I thort that it might hav been fate that i had to stay that extra 2 hrs for a reason. I was kinda disappointed too that he didnt come to the bottom part of the carriage cuz u kno how he loves flaunting himself in front of me. I jst cried the rest of the way home.
I couldnt stop thinking about if i could hav talked to him on the train. So when i got home, i literally knelt down in the bathroom in front of my sink and cried for about 5mins. I was in so much emotional pain. I jst couldnt stop thinking about if i could hav dun anything and then this quote i saw today as well that said sumfing like "in 20 yrs time, u will not think back to/regret the things u did, but the things u didnt do". Man i can assure u, i dont even need the 20yrs to regret wat i didnt do! I'm kinda regretting it now and thats y i had to cry it all out in the bathroom. I wouldve cried for longer but then i figured if i came out wit red eyes, ppl would hav known that ive been crying. I'm still so distraught over this whole thing. Who would hav thort that it could be so hard...
WHERES MY FRIENDS WEN I NEED THEM??? i need to splurge!
.::.PeAcE.::.
((song of the moment: JAGGED EDGE - All Out Of Love))
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| $éÑøЯiŦå Confessed @ 8:05 pm |
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